Anniversary
by kinigget
Summary: Seras takes a moment to reflect on a very important date. Now a series (also now taking requests)
1. The Anniversary

I just went "fuck it" and decided to rewrite this whole thing from scratch rather than wait on getting my data off the old hard drive

so yeah, Anniversary chapter 1 version 2

here we go

* * *

Life is full of anniversaries, birthdays and weddings being only the most notable examples. It's something deeply ingrained in our nature as humans to mark the passage of time by noting how many times a certain thing has happened. Vampires, being ageless and timeless, have no such need.

Well...

To every rule, there must be _some_ exception.

Seras stared at the clock as if she could somehow force it to move faster through sheer force of will, and who knew? maybe she could, she'd discovered several powers she never knew she'd had over the years, maybe control over time was in her powerset somewhere, she'd never know unless she tried after all. But that wasn't what was important right now, what _was_ important was that she was minutes away from a major milestone in her life, er, unlife, whichever. Anyway, the _point_ was that in about a minute or so, she would cross a threshold of sorts.

"This is it, I have now officially been dead longer than I was alive".

And there it was, this was the point where she had to start worrying if she was going to start forgetting what it had meant to be human, even if she _had_ held on to the last scraps of her humanity longer than most. She idly wondered what her master would have thought of her marking the occasion like this. For him it had been several centuries after all, and by all accounts he had abandoned his humanity even _before_ he had truly become a monster, the way he interacted with humans making it seem like he no longer remembered that he'd once been one.

Honestly, she missed him. Sure he'd been terrifying and harsh, but with the benefit of hindsight Seras could see that he'd been trying to help her the only way he knew how: by working on making her a better vampire, even if she hadn't been truly ready to fully accept the consequences of her choice. It was truly a shame that she'd only had those six months with him, it was nowhere _near_ enough time for a fledgling vampire to learn everything she needed to know to survive the world of the night. She was fairly sure that besides having been sired by the single most powerful vampire in existence, that she was only still around thanks to copious amounts of luck. She'd been managing on her own, had even learned a few neat tricks, but it would be so much _better_ if she still had her master around to show her the ropes.

Well...to be fair, she still had _a_ master, the only problem is that she was human, and had no actual direct control over anything Seras did. However, Integra had been a fixture in Seras' new life from day one, taking the frankly bewildered newborn vampire and turning her into one of humanity's secret weapons against the darkness. Seras had often wondered why she hadn't been bound to the woman's will the way her master had, perhaps she trusted Alucard to keep his new fledgling in line. Add to this the fact that she had gone out of her way to fight for the sake of humanity and Seras was left to assume that she'd simply managed to earn the imposing woman's trust.

She had said once, all those years ago now, that she had refused to drink his blood because she was afraid of losing something precious inside her. Well, that precious something was long gone now, dead the night she had eaten Pip, the night she had _dismantled_ Zorin and her squad for daring to attack her home, the night she had taken on a werewolf and beat him to a pulp with the help of her new familiar, Pip's soul having become a part of her forever. Of course all of this came _after_ she had gotten in a gunfight with a zeppelin and _won_. That had felt good, but once again that wasn't the point. The point she had been meandering towards was that she was now ready, ready to walk the night as a free vampire. She was more than certain now that there was nothing left of the naive police girl who had died that night in Cheddar 19 years ago. Hell even the human shape she wore was more out of convenience and habit than anything else, only her left arm giving any hint of the formless mass of chaos that was now her truest form.

but in the end there was only one thing that mattered: her master was coming back to her someday, she knew it, and Integra did not doubt her. The two of them would make do while they waited, keep Britain safe from the forces of darkness until his triumphant return. And then? when he was finally back? She would be ready, she would ask for her freedom. And from there? who knew what might happen?

However

One thing was for certain: she would never stop helping, would never stop standing against the darkness to protect the light, even if she had no place in it.

Seras could think of nothing better to do with the rest of eternity.

* * *

ah yes, that looks _much_ better

in other news, I already have an idea for a third chapter, so that should be done within a month

other than that, the desire to write has returned in full force, even if my motivation is still a bit shot, but once I get that third chapter of this out, I should be able to get chapter 5 of Blood Moon finished off

I make no promises though, and after that point I can say with _certainty_ that it'll be a few months before the next one comes out, just because of how much _work_ I need to do on it


	2. The Funerals

All right, I got several reviews asking when this was going to update, despite the fact that I'd marked it as a one-shot, you silly silly people

well, you're in luck: I had an idea, and realized that it could be used as a second chapter for this story

so this is now officially a series of one-shots set through Seras' life as a vampire, the upshot of which is that I am now officially calling for suggestions

Also: for those of you wondering about Blood Moon Rewrite, fear not for the current chapter is about 80% finished, I just need to finish out the last two little bits. The hard part is going to be the next chapter, for which I have to create an actual introduction for Uryuu Ishida because Quetzelcoatls didn't

but that's enough about that, on with the show

(note: I accidentally deleted the first chapter instead of updating it and had to get creative to get everything back in place, this is not the updated chapter, chapter 1 is)

(also: this chapter has now been updated as well, thanks to Moontan for giving me the idea)

* * *

It should have been raining.

For one, funerals were simply _meant_ to be held in the rain, it was like an unwritten law of reality. Of course, the real reason Seras was annoyed was that as a newborn vampire she had to resort to extreme measures to keep from bursting into flames where she stood, which meant the head-to-toe covering of her full mourning dress, oh well, at least it would help hide her identity.

See, by all rights she shouldn't be here. Not only was this no longer her world, but this was a memorial service for those who had died in the village of Cheddar that night, and she was one of those people. And so as she listened to grieving widows, parents, and children lamenting the passing of their loved ones, she couldn't help but feel a small measure of guilt. After all, the only reasons she was still upright and walking around were luck, circumstances, and a certain capricious vampire.

Speaking of whom, he had seemed somewhat perplexed that she had wanted to attend this service. She was a vampire now, a creature of the night, why would she ever want to look back? Perhaps it had simply been too long since he was human, the very concept of mourning seemed to baffle him. He'd lost everything so long ago, what was the point of dwelling on the past?

Integra, on the other hand, had understood. This was her last chance to say goodbye to the life she lost, to the people she had come to know and trust as her comrades in arms. And so, Integra had given her the day off to finish severing her ties to life she used to live.

Being an orphan made it easier she supposed, she had no family left behind to mourn her passing, no teary faces questioning God as to why he saw fit to tear her away from this life so soon, just 19 years old and with her whole life ahead of her, a promising career in a special operations police unit cut short just like that.

She wasn't sure she'd have been able to prevent herself from standing up and shouting "I'm still here!", as badly as that would have gone. So yes, all for the best then. And even as it was, it was hard not to try to comfort the families of those who had been lost, to tell them that she would remember them for as long as she lived, and there was every chance that was going to be a good long time yet. But she was supposed to be dead, and in every way that really mattered she _was_ dead.

so she stayed silent, and tried to ignore the guilt that was steadily eating at her. to call it "survivor's guilt" was a bit of a misnomer, given that she hadn't actually survived, but why split hairs? she was still here, and they were gone.

But that just raised the question didn't it? Alucard hadn't _needed_ to save her, hadn't _needed_ to turn her. So why? What was it he had seen in her?

Well, either he would tell her or he wouldn't, no real point dwelling on it, who knew how the centuries-old vampire thought? Perhaps if she managed to live as long as he had she might begin to understand, but for now it was best put out of mind.

and so she did.

And when the service finished, she got up, walked out of the church, and left the world of the living for good.

* * *

The rain was a welcome relief.

she hadn't known these people very well, being one of Hellsing's secret weapons meant that her social life was just this side of "nonexistent", but she did know that they had all given their lives trying to protect her, her master, and the members of the round table council. As such, she felt she owed them all this much at least.

The only thing she'd been able to do as a vampire was put down their torn and broken bodies when they'd risen again as ghouls, and she honestly wasn't sure whether or not she felt guilty about that. On the one hand, she had nearly lost herself in bloodlust, tearing them apart with her bare hands, but then they .

Seras was certain of two things: one was that this was far from the last time she was going to be faced with such a moral quandary, and the other was that she wasn't going to enjoy those to come any much more than she was this one.

The service was simple, there were no families in attendance, just the handful of surviving soldiers, only alive by virtue of having been off the premises at the time of the attack.

Even if Seras hadn't known these people personally, such massive loss of life got to her.

You see, dying had given her something of a new perspective on life, and a new appreciation for just how precious life. Something about being a creature of death that fed on life had forced her to see just how important all aspects of life were.

perhaps that was why she had so much trouble drinking blood.

It was one thing to know on an intellectual level that she was no longer human, and that she was a predator whose primary source of food was humans. It was another thing entirely to be faced with the prospect of drinking blood. She knew she would have to at some point, else she would starve, but that didn't make it any easier to ignore the little voice inside her telling her that this was _wrong_.

But that was neither here nor there right now, and as the short service ended, Seras made a silent vow never to let anything like this happen again.

not while she had the power to stop it.

* * *

The sun no longer bothered her.

so many things had been lost that night, among them her left arm, her blue eyes, and the last shreds of her humanity.

However, even among all the pain and loss, something had been gained.

"why in the world would they put me in a suit to bury me?"

Pip Bernadotte may have lost his life, but Seras had managed to keep his soul. Drinking his blood, freely given, had granted her power which, while still a pale imitation of her missing master's, was more than enough to send the remnants of Millenium screaming down to the abyss, this time for certain.

"you know as well as I do that it's about respect. You gave your life for Queen and Country after all, the powers that be figured that was the least they could do to honor your memory"

"that's bullshit and you know it"

"I know that, and you know that, but try convincing _them_ of that. Besides, you look good in a suit"

"Bah, there's no point flattering me, I'm stuck with you for the rest of time remember?"

"or at least until someone manages to kill me"

"well yes, but we both know how unlikely that is"

And the good-natured bickering continued on in that vein unabated, unheard by any of the few other mourners at this small state-sponsored affair. Pip had had no living family left, all of them having given their lives under similar circumstances, fighting like dogs for employers who barely knew them, all for the promise of a few dollars. And so the only mourners were a handful of military officials and the remnants of the Wild Geese. All of whom knew the truth: that the good Captain was not truly gone, but living on in the form of the small blonde girl in the front pew, seemingly lost in thought.

However, all this really meant was that this was not the true funeral for the man known as Pip Bernadotte. No, that would come later, most likely at some sleazy bar where the beer was cheap and the women were easy, telling tall tales and half-truths and seeing just how far they could aggrandize his image before Seras started shouting them down. Or perhaps he would even manage to materialize, drinking with his men one last time before they all parted ways.

well, whatever happened, it was going to be a night to remember. A night of revelry and remembrance that would only end with the coming of the dawn.

* * *

It was hard to believe that she was gone

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing had been a fixture in Seras' life since the night she'd died, and contemplating a world without the iron-willed firebrand in it just seemed...wrong. In many ways it was the end of an era, the Hellsing Organization, as per Sir Integra's wishes, would be taken over by the civilian government, the time of lords and knights having long since passed.

But then, where did that leave two tame vampires? or...well...one and a half, Alucard always _had_ been one to push the limits of authority. But that really just brought the point into sharper focus. Seals or no, Integra had been the only human that Alucard had deemed truly worthy of being his master. An unbreakable will, capable of burning the world to ash if she deemed it necessary to fulfill her goals, and she was his, no one else's but his. Her death may have freed him from his bonds, but he would forever be bound by the memory of her. However, the loss of the seals still meant that he was now free to do as he pleased.

Fortunately "what he pleased" turned out to be "go back to Romania and terrorize people _there_ ". Which, while not exactly _ideal_ , at least moved the problem far enough away that it could be safely ignored.

As for Seras, she'd never needed any kind of coercion to fight for humanity, and even now, free vampire that she was, she intended to continue doing just that.

And so as she sat there in the darkness of the church, long after all the other mourners had left, she vowed to protect humanity with all that she was, she rather doubted that the newly reformed Hellsing Organization would tolerate keeping one of the very monsters it was made to fight in it's employ, but that was fine. There were other options available to her.

Even if she had to fight alone with no support at all, she would continue to be the light against the darkness

* * *

In the end she never stopped going to the funerals

It turned out that her fears had been unfounded after all. Hellsing worked the way it was, why fix what wasn't broken? And so as the years went by and Hellsing changed hands time and time again, each new director would find Seras Victoria waiting for them, ready to offer her knowledge and expertise. Some were more willing to accept her help than others, but then she had expected that, and it wasn't as if she couldn't leave if things got too bad, benefits of never having been bound.

And as the decades turned to centuries, slowly, inexorably, Seras Victoria forgot her human life. But even then she still never missed a funeral, she refused to forget the value of a human life. And after all, they say no one ever truly dies until they are forgotten, and Seras would remember for a very long time.

* * *

yeah I'm playing a bit fast and loose with canon here, but it's more fun this way

anyway yeah, I'm much happier with this now

see guys? This is why you feed me reviews: sometimes I give you things because of them!


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